naughty Joke

ब्वॉयफ्रेंड (फोन पर)- हाय स्वीटहार्ट क्या कर रही हो?

गर्लफ्रेंड- मेरी तबीयत खराब है जानू सोने जा रही हूं।

तुम..?

ब्वॉयफे्रंड- मैं सिनेमा हॉल में तेरे पीछे बैठा हूं।

gudgudi

एक बार एक आदमी गांव में स्कूटर पर जा रहा था अचानक पेट्रोल खतम हो गया, वहां से संता गुजर रहा था आदमी ने संता से पूछा- सरदार जी आस-पास कोई पेट्रोल पम्प है क्या? मेरे स्कूटर का पेट्रोल खतम हो गया है

संता दिमाग पर जोर डाल कर कुछ सोच के बोला- इस टाइम कहां पेट्रोल पम्प ढूंढता फिरेगा, रात का टाइम है पानी डाल के ले जा, स्कूटर को क्या पता चलेगा की पानी है या पेट्रोल।

Nice....!!!

एक बूढ़ी औरत फिल्म देखने गई वो कभी 15 मिनट में कभी 20 मिनट में कोल्ड ड्रिंक की कैन में मुंह लगाती और फिर कैन वहीं रख देती।

पास बैठा लड़का यह देखकर परेशान गया, उसने कैन उठाई और एक बार में ही खाली कर दी और बोला- ऐसे पी जाती है कोल्ड ड्रिंक आंटी जी।

बुढि़या- लेकिन बेटा तुमसे किसने कहा कि कैन में कोल्ड ड्रिंक थी, मैं तो उसमें पान थूक रही थी।

Ssanta Joke

Santa: If I die will u remarry? 
Jeeto: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry? 
Santa: No, I'll also stay with ur sister

Santa Joke

Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga? 
Doc: Haan, bilkul. 
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.

Naughty Joke

A man said 2 his doctor 'everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection' the doctor said 'That's because u look like a cunt!

Cute baby

A Little Girl and Her Father were Crossing a Bridge. 
The Father was Kind of Scared So He Asked His Little Daughter Sweetheart, please Hold my Hand So that You Don't Fall into the River. 
The Little Girl Said, No, Dad. You Hold my Hand. 
What's the Difference? Asked the puzzled Father. 
There's a Big Difference replied the Little Girl. 
If i Hold Ur Hand and Something Happens to me, Chances r dat i may Let Ur Hand Go. But if U Hold my Hand, i Know For

Santa Joke

Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho? 
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am

Santa Joke

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khediye. 
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoe paa ke hune aaya.

Naughty Joke

Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over but when u pull a panty the show begins..

SAnta Banata Joke

Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya, vaise hoya ki si? 
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich. 
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi

Santa Banta Joke

Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Y r u removin a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

Naughty Joke

Lady: Time kitna hua hai? 
Banta: Bra Panties. 
Lady: Time poocha hai Nonsense. 
Banta: Time hi to bataya hai 12.35

Naughty Joke

Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudon ko pani dal. 
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai. 
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal. 
Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.? 
Santa: Very long.....!

naughty Joke

Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai? 
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon

naughty joke

Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai. 
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi

naughty joke

Santa: What's difference between man & Superman? 
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser & superman wears it over the trouser.

..............!!!

Law of Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone 
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch 
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner 
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire 
Bath Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings

Straight Tree

A beutiful quote:
Don't be too honest and
Good with every one"
Because straight trees are
Choosed first for cutting.

Adadat

Kanto Se Damaan Uljana Meri Aadat Hai,
Dil Me Paraya Dard Basana Meri Aadat Hai,
Jin Ko Dunia Ne Thukraya,
Aise Logon Ko Apnana Meri Aadat Hai.

best way to make carrier

Pyar se NASHA hota hai.NASHE se junun.JUNUN se mehnat.MEHNAT se padhai.PADHAI se CAREER. Isliye CAREER banane k liye life mein pyar krna bahut zaruri hai.

santa interview

SANTA at Microsoft for an Interview..
.
Interviewer : Which are the four version of Java .?
.
Santa : (1)Mar-Java, (2)Mit-Java, (3)Lut-Java, (4) Me Sadke-Java..
.
Interviewer : Aata tumhi Ghari-Java..

santa ki bhabhi

santa ne apni bhabhi ko khub mara 
logo n pucha q?
santa-yaar , mai jis se bhi puchta hu ki tum phone pe kis se baat kar rahe ho?
har koi kehta h teri bhabhi se..........

900 chuhay

Master : Khali jaga pura karo..

900 chuhay kha kar Billi___chali..

Stdnt: 900 chohay kha kr Billi Matak Matak kr chali..

Master(Ghusse se)
Kharay ho jao, mazak krte ho?

Stdnt: Sir ye B mene ap ka dil rkhne k liye keh dia warna
900 chuhay kha kr Billi chal to kya Hil b nhi sakti...!

Pappu

Teachar- Beta Chori Krna Buri Baat Hai,
Chori Ka Fal Hmesha Kadva Hota He
.
.
.
.
Pappu- Bas Ab Chup Ho Ja Kamini Jhuti Maine Kal Hi APPLE Chori Krke Khaaye Woh Bade Mithe The.

How Sweet

A Boy texts a girl
Boy: Hey!
Girl: Hi! What u doing?
Boy: texting the most beautiful girl in the world.
Girl: Aww How cute!
Boy: Ya! But She is not replying, so m texting U!

Past tense

A bf, who is good in English, is teaching
his gf about tense.
Bf:- YOU LOVE ME. Which tense is it?
Gf:- PAST TENSE.

Naughty Joke

Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over but when u pull a panty the show begins..

Naughty Joke

Agr Aapko 18 Saal ki Larki Jhuk Kar Salam Kary
To Aapko Uski Kya Cheez Nazar Aayegi?

.
.
.
.
.

Uski Achi Tarbiyat.


Bhai Hath Jorta Hon Kabhi To Sahi Socha Karo. :-)

Naughty Joke

ek lrka ek larki
aha aha
adhi raat ko
oho oho
jungle main
wah wah
jhari k peichay
ouii
sab say chup k
UFF
DABA DABA k
aha aha
mango kaha rahey they

Naughty Joke

Boss to an Employee: "Do you believe in life after death?"

Employee: "Certainly not! There's no proof of it", he replied.

Boss: "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you." :->

3 Simple rules in life

3 Simple rules in life

1. If you do not GO after what you want,
You will never have it.

2. If you do not ASK,
The answer will always be NO.

3.If you do not step FORWARD,
You will ALWAYS be in the same place.

Naughty Joke

Girl: Bas karo koi dekh lega,
boy: Kuch nahi hoga tum sidhi raho,
Waha se hath hatao,
Pls thoda sa dikha do,
Agar nahi dikhaya to main..

?

?

?

Fail ho Jaunga!

RELATION

For a True reletion... ♥



♥ Zindagi k jung mai agar koi apse ruthe to use turant mana lo.. ♥



qki,,



♥ duriyo aur najdikiyo mai aksar Dooriyan jeet jaya karti hai.. ♥

Shaadi me Dahej

Effect of price rise of
petrol on dowry:
Lrki wali: wase aap shadi
me gold-silvr ke alawe
kaun c car lenge??
Lrke wale: na na in sb
chezo ki tnsn aap na
lo,aapki beti ke leye car
hm khrid denge,
bs aap petrol bhrwate
rehna!!!

MUJRA !!!

English Tcher:Btao ya kon sa tense he?

"Me Nach rha hu,
Tum Nach rhe ho,
Wo Nach rhi he..hm sb Nach rhe he,"

STUDENT:Sir ye
"MUJRA Continous Tense"he. . .

Khudgusi

Santa Khudkushi par speech de raha tha
Khudkushi Paap hai
Zulm hai Gunah hai
Buzdili hai Pagalpan hai
khudkushi krne se behtar hai insan khud ko
Goli maarle!

U Know Ladies

Police to thief:Y u went 2 steal thrice in the same store?

Thief:I stole 1 dress for my wife n went to change it twice...!U knw about ladies...!

BIBI AUR GHARI

Ek aadmi doosrey aadmi sey bola:
“Bivi aur ghadi mey kya faraq hey?”

Doosra Aadmi bola:
“Ek bigarti hai to bandh ho jati hai……Doosari bigarti hai to “SHUROO” ho jati hai”

LARKI KO PHASAYA...

Chintoo : Aaj maine apni class mein sabse pyaari larki ko phansa li..
Friend : Woh kaisey?

Chintoo : “Class lagi thi.. Maine kaghaz ka jahaz bana ke Phainka. Jahaza teacher ke pass chala g

blonde are not stupid

Once all the blond held a grand meeting to prove that the blonds are not stupid. They are also as smart as others. The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blonds are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”
A blond works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, “What is 15 plus 15?”

After 15 or 20 seconds he says, “Eighteen!” Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blonds start cheering, “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”
The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, Uh, I guess we can give him another chance.”
So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?” After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, “Ninety?” The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh — everyone is disheartened – the blonds starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance– What is 2 plus 2?”
The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?” Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 blonds jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream…
“Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”

Blonde

A blonde is on a small two seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
“Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!“

Ground control receive her call for help and answers back:
“Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position”
“I’m 5″2′ and sitting in the front”.

kasis dil ki hr cheez bhula dete h
band ankho main bhi sapne saja dete h..
sapno ko apni duniya main zaror rakhyiga dosto
qki hakikat aksar rula dete h...!!!!

serious..

the most critical moment in life"-
when some1 vry special hurts u so deeply,
causes tears in ur eyes
and asks,"wat happened"??
bt u just reply,
"nothing"!!!!!!!

laloo & Bush

Bush: Tujhe swimming aati hai?
Laaloo: No!
Bush:Tere se kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Laaloo: Tujhe aati hai?

Bush:Haan!
Laaloo: Fir tere mein aur kutte mein kya farak hai…

begum

Two married friends Rahul and Rohan talking on the topic of the married woman,
Rahul: Wife ko begum kyun kehte hai?

Rohan: Kyuki shaadi ke baad uske saare gum husband ke hisse mein chale jaate hai aur wife begum ho jaati hai…

lalu and rabri

Rabri : Ka karat ho?
Laalu : Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!

Rabri : Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu : Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat

pathan on cycle

Ek pathan Cycle chalate aur gungunate howe kahin ja raha tha rastae mein ek aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli, “Break nahi maar sakte they kya ???”

Pathan herat se… “Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida.”

kitna daalu

एक लड़की की पैट्रोल डालने वाले से शादी हो गई! दुल्हन की सहेलिया: सुहागरात कैसी रही? दुल्हन: बेवकूफ सारी रात हाथ में लेकर घूमता रहा और बार-बार पूछता रहा `कितना डालू`!

mujhe bukhaar hai

Wife: aapse milne doctorji aaye hai
Husband: mujhe bukhaar hai. unhe kal aane ke liye bolo 

husband & wife

पति (पत्नी से)- मैंने आज रात को एक दोस्त को खाने पर बुलाया है।
पत्नी (गुस्से में)- तुम्हें हो क्या गया है, घर कैसे फैला हुआ है, मैं शॉपिंग के लिए भी नहीं गई, बर्तन भी गंदे पड़े हैं और खाना भी आज अच्छा नहीं बनने वाला।
पति – मुझे पता है।
पत्नी – फिर तुमने अपने दोस्त को क्यों बुलाया?
पति – क्योंकि वह बेवकूफ शादी करना चाहता है।

LOGICs

Zail Singh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.

Rajiv : How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh : Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv : Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh : Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv : OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?

Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : so, logically, your are married.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zail Singh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Buta Singh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail : How is your MBA preparation?
Buta : Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail : Oh, logic is easy.
Buta : Please, give me an example.
Zail : Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta : NO, I don’t.
Zail : Saala HOMO!!!

Sardarji at railway station

He asks one man, “When will Rajdhani Express go from here”?
Man Replies, 12.30.
“When will Punjab Express go from here”?
Man Replies, 10.30.

“When will Deccan Queen go from here”?
Man Replies, 12.30.
Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.
Sardar replies, “NO. I only want to cross the tracks

a bihari

A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in.
The bus was fully loaded with Sardarjis. One Sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he’s in big trouble because he knows only Sardar jokes!

After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to ‘Sardars’ in his joke with ‘Biharis’. He starts the jokes with,
“There was once a Bihari…” and suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts,
“Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?”

then u ask him?

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”

chemistry prof.

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.
Shyam, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”

baby belongs to...?

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch

galti

Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?






Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.

Malika

Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!

Parhez

Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.
Dushra dost usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?



Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai

Cute way to Blackmail

Maa apne bete se kehti: Beta so ja warna gabbar aa jayega.

Beta apni maa se kehta: Maa mujhe Chocolate do varna papa se keh dunga ke mere sone ke bad roz gabbar aata hai.