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Wednesday 25 April 2012

BIBI AUR GHARI

Ek aadmi doosrey aadmi sey bola:
“Bivi aur ghadi mey kya faraq hey?”

Doosra Aadmi bola:
“Ek bigarti hai to bandh ho jati hai……Doosari bigarti hai to “SHUROO” ho jati hai”

LARKI KO PHASAYA...

Chintoo : Aaj maine apni class mein sabse pyaari larki ko phansa li..
Friend : Woh kaisey?

Chintoo : “Class lagi thi.. Maine kaghaz ka jahaz bana ke Phainka. Jahaza teacher ke pass chala g

Tuesday 24 April 2012

blonde are not stupid

Once all the blond held a grand meeting to prove that the blonds are not stupid. They are also as smart as others. The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blonds are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”
A blond works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, “What is 15 plus 15?”

After 15 or 20 seconds he says, “Eighteen!” Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blonds start cheering, “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”
The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, Uh, I guess we can give him another chance.”
So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?” After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, “Ninety?” The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh — everyone is disheartened – the blonds starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”
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The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance– What is 2 plus 2?”
The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?” Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 blonds jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream…
“Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”

Blonde

A blonde is on a small two seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
“Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!
Aeroplane
Ground control receive her call for help and answers back:
Don’t worry, madam. I’ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position”
“I’m 5″2′ and sitting in the front”.

Saturday 21 April 2012

kasis dil ki hr cheez bhula dete h
band ankho main bhi sapne saja dete h..
sapno ko apni duniya main zaror rakhyiga dosto
qki hakikat aksar rula dete h...!!!!

serious..

the most critical moment in life"-
when some1 vry special hurts u so deeply,
causes tears in ur eyes
and asks,"wat happened"??
bt u just reply,
"nothing"!!!!!!!

Thursday 19 April 2012

laloo & Bush

Bush: Tujhe swimming aati hai?
Laaloo: No!
Bush:Tere se kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai.
Laaloo: Tujhe aati hai?
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Bush:Haan!
Laaloo: Fir tere mein aur kutte mein kya farak hai…

begum

Two married friends Rahul and Rohan talking on the topic of the married woman,
Rahul: Wife ko begum kyun kehte hai?

Rohan: Kyuki shaadi ke baad uske saare gum husband ke hisse mein chale jaate hai aur wife begum ho jaati hai…

lalu and rabri

Rabri : Ka karat ho?
Laalu : Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!

Rabri : Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu : Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat

pathan on cycle

Ek pathan Cycle chalate aur gungunate howe kahin ja raha tha rastae mein ek aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli, “Break nahi maar sakte they kya ???”

Pathan herat se… “Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida.”

kitna daalu

एक लड़की की पैट्रोल डालने वाले से शादी हो गई! दुल्हन की सहेलिया: सुहागरात कैसी रही? दुल्हन: बेवकूफ सारी रात हाथ में लेकर घूमता रहा और बार-बार पूछता रहा `कितना डालू`!

mujhe bukhaar hai

Wife: aapse milne doctorji aaye hai
Husband: mujhe bukhaar hai. unhe kal aane ke liye bolo 

husband & wife

पति (पत्नी से)- मैंने आज रात को एक दोस्त को खाने पर बुलाया है।
पत्नी (गुस्से में)- तुम्हें हो क्या गया है, घर कैसे फैला हुआ है, मैं शॉपिंग के लिए भी नहीं गई, बर्तन भी गंदे पड़े हैं और खाना भी आज अच्छा नहीं बनने वाला।
पति – मुझे पता है।
पत्नी – फिर तुमने अपने दोस्त को क्यों बुलाया?
पति – क्योंकि वह बेवकूफ शादी करना चाहता है।

LOGICs

Zail Singh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.

Rajiv : How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh : Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv : Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh : Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv : OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?

Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : so, logically, your are married.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv : So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zail Singh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Buta Singh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail : How is your MBA preparation?
Buta : Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail : Oh, logic is easy.
Buta : Please, give me an example.
Zail : Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta : NO, I don’t.
Zail : Saala HOMO!!!

Sardarji at railway station

He asks one man, “When will Rajdhani Express go from here”?
Man Replies, 12.30.
“When will Punjab Express go from here”?
Man Replies, 10.30.
railway-track.gif
“When will Deccan Queen go from here”?
Man Replies, 12.30.
Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.
Sardar replies, “NO. I only want to cross the tracks

a bihari

A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in.
The bus was fully loaded with Sardarjis. One Sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he’s in big trouble because he knows only Sardar jokes!

After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to ‘Sardars’ in his joke with ‘Biharis’. He starts the jokes with,
“There was once a Bihari…” and suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts,
“Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?”

then u ask him?

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”

chemistry prof.

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
Professor
“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.
Shyam, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”

Thursday 12 April 2012

baby belongs to...?

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch

galti

Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?


servantsd.jpg



Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.

Malika

Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!

Parhez

Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.
Dushra dost usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?
samosa.jpg


Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai

Cute way to Blackmail

Maa apne bete se kehti: Beta so ja warna gabbar aa jayega.
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Beta apni maa se kehta: Maa mujhe Chocolate do varna papa se keh dunga ke mere sone ke bad roz gabbar aata hai.